


Things that Should Have Been

by aseriesofolafevents



Series: Bowtruckles and Broken People [5]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, F/M, Fuck Toxic Masculinity, June 6th, Theseus is sad man, newts like a proper brother to him, no seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 17:45:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19155868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aseriesofolafevents/pseuds/aseriesofolafevents
Summary: In which Theseus has a firewhisky or four, Newt tells him straight and Leta is on the tip of his tongue.ORThe one where June the 6th happens because, according to the laws of time, life goes on.





	Things that Should Have Been

**Author's Note:**

> ok so technically I wrote this on June 6th. does that count? I just forgot to post oops.  
> so I kind of tried out a slightly different writing style here because its following Theseus' POV and he's a little drunk and I thought id account for that. let me know how you think about it, if you've read my other works and can compare but also just if you've found this fic and have no idea what I usually write like.  
> this fic is close to my heart. I never cry whilst writing but this one made me feel some kind of way man. I almost didn't post it because it feels kinda personal? idk like does anyone else feel like they're intruding on a moment in Theseus' life that shouldn't be intruded on? because I felt like that whilst writing it.  
> Please leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed! Xoxo

Leta.

It was only one word, a thought, a flicker and yet it consumed it his entire being. Leta. He tried it on his tongue. It was unused and yet familiar. Leta. It was short and abrasive, tumbling out in one breathy sigh. The corners of his mouth turned upwards before his tongue hit his teeth again to produce that quick, magical sound. Leta.

He liked it. No he hated it. No, he loved it. It caused him pain. It brought him joy. He never wanted to use it again. He never wanted to say anything else again. Leta. Leta. Leta.

It was as if the word would be on the tip of his tongue, he contemplated, as he stared into the bottom of a very empty beer glass. Too empty. He signalled to the landlord (Ab-something...Abertort?) for another one. He needed it. The deserved it. It was the only thing that could fill the emptiness.

He had been living. No, that was wrong. He had been surviving. Living wasn’t living without her. He had been surviving; making it through day by day. Things had been looking up recently, in fact. He was closer with Newt then he ever had been and he was surprised to find that this was a great source of relief to him. He had found a friend in Jacob, the No-Maj, who was always at the ready with some kind of pastry to bring a little sugar to the dark days. And there were dark days. God, there were days when he’d lie in bed, drowning in his own pain, suffocating in his own sadness. But work helped, giving him motivation to pull himself out of the deep waters, but a suit on and say “Not today, Grindelwald.” Tina was nice. Not that he’d ever admit it to her face, but he was growing quite fond of her and was pleased to see her and Newt’s relationship coming along, even if the second hand-embarrassment was too much to bear. And the girl, the maledictus, Nagini, was sweet if a little strange, spending most of her time in Hogwarts, where, under Dumbledore’s watchful eye, she was beginning to flourish, spending the weekends with the rest of them in Newt’s London home, eating pastries and trying not to kill each other.

He was surviving, he’d admit that at least. Until today.

The landlord came over to him, delivering his third..fourth?...pint of firewhisky and setting it down on the table with a heavy bang. He was tall and familiar looking with piercing blue eyes that made Theseus want to ask, “Do I know you?”, before kicking himself silent. The wizard...Aber-whatsit..grunted.  
“You better slow down boy, you’re not going to find yourself at the bottom of that glass. Trust me, I’ve tried.”  
Theseus pulled the firewhisky towards him. Usually he didn’t drink excessively. There were too many painful memories in drinking; their first giggle-water infused kiss, her incredibly strong and slightly terrible tasting homemade butterbeer that he’d drunk just to prove that he’d accost the challenge of death by poisoning, just to make her laugh, the champagne they’d drunk when he’d finally done it, finally opened the little black that had been sitting in his sock drawer since the day after their first date because yes, he really had known that quickly.  
“I didn’t ask for life advice.” He said, much too bluntly. “And I bloody well won’t be paying extra for it.” He took a defiant sip of the firewhisky, as the landlord made a louder grunt and shifted away, grumbling something about a “ruckus.”

The bell went and an out of place young wizard swept in, case in hand, looking entirely uncomfortable with the seedy setting he found himself in. Theseus would have laughed, if it had been any other time, to see his little brother in the Hog’s Head, just about the dingiest pub in all of Hogsmeade. But it wasn’t any other time and so Theseus didn’t laugh.  
Newt tipped his head at the landlord, a glance of understanding which made Theseus frown, before he made his way over to the booth in which the older wizard was sat.  
“You won’t find yourself at the bottom of that glass.” Newt said and Theseus almost rolled his eyes.  
“How did you know I was here, Newt?” He asked his brother, the distaste evident in his voice. He half knew the answer already.  
“Because you have a habit of frequenting pubs when you get sad about Leta.” Newt said, blunt and to the point. Merlin, he was blunt. “And also Aberforth sent me an owl saying that there was a suspicious looking auror looking as though he wanted to drown himself in his fresh pint of firewhisky.”  
“That’s an option?” Theseus cracked, but Newt’s face remained impassive. Right, not funny.  
“You know you could have talked to me, Thee.” Newt lowered his voice, leaning across the table to be closer to his brother. “Today of all todays you have the right to be upset. I understand-”  
“You don’t understand.” Theseus cut across him quickly. “You don’t understand because Tina’s at home and she’s safe.” His temper was beginning to rise, as was his voice. “You don’t understand because you don’t have your June the 6th!”  
Newt’s cheeks coloured as people began to look over at them. “People are staring..” He murmured.  
Ha. Brilliant. Theseus got to his feet.  
“Let them stare!” He called and okay, he might have been slightly drunker than he had first thought because the room spun a little. “Let them know that today, I, Theseus Scamander should have been marrying the love of my fucking life instead of downing round after round of firewhisky. And you know why I’m not? Newt do you want to tell them why I’m not?”  
“Theseus, I really don’t think-”  
“Because she’s dead! That’s right, she’s dead. Murdered in fact, by the most feared wizard in the world. Grindelwald! Grindelwald killed my fiance!”  
There was complete and utter silence.  
“And now she’s dead! And I swear, I will hunt down all those who pledge their allegiance to that evil manipulative piece of-”  
He didn’t get to finish his last sentence because he was being dragged- dragged!- by his younger brother, into the dying summer’s evening, as Newt pushed him up against the wall.  
“Newt what are you-” He tried to push his brother off him but Newt held him against the wall, not ready to let him go.  
“Now you listen to me, Theseus Scamander. We get it. We get that your sad and that you should have married Leta. We get that your angry and you want revenge. And you know what I feel angry for you! It isn’t fair and I’m sorry. You get that? I’m sorry. But you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to fall apart and become some shadow of a person who haunts pubs and reminisces over the life you could have had. I won’t let you!”  
Newt was crying. In fact, Theseus realised, he was crying too. Newt had released him, at some point in his speech, and now they were both facing each other, backs pressed up against opposite walls, crying their eyes out in an alleyway.  
“I won’t let you fall to pieces, Theseus.” Newt repeated, wiping the tears off his face.  
“It hurts.” Theseus whispers, clutching his chest as though his heart was falling out of his very body. “It hurts so bad.”  
“I know.” Newt sniffled and then they’re hugging and since when did they hug? “I know it hurts because I feel it to. But at some point you have to pick yourself up and say alright, the love of my life died but you know what? I’m going to get out there and do the best I can to fix this.”  
“I’m not the fixer, Newt.” Theseus said quietly. “That’s you.”  
Newt nodded, pulling away slightly. “We can both fix this Theseus. You just have to stay together long enough.”  
Theseus nodded. Newt was right. When did he get so smart? Theseus couldn’t remember. They disappeared into the dark of the night, leaving behind nothing more than an ear piercing crack.

Leta. It was still the same name. Still the same feel of the word. Leta. He said it to himself every night before he fell asleep and every morning, when he woke up. Leta. He dreamt it. Leta. He saw her. Leta.

He was living now. He was living because she couldn’t and he could and should. He was living for her, to preserve her memory and he was learning to live for himself. He was her reason to die, he knew that, but she would be his reason to live. And if he got angry and cursed and sometimes ended up in a dingy pub with a pint of firewhisky, that was okay. And Newt was there. Newt was always there, whether he wanted to laugh and talk, or shout and curse, or weep and sob. Newt was there.

Leta.  
A word.  
A thought.  
A flicker.  
He was living.

**Author's Note:**

> yh so the start is a little homage to Lolita, because you know 'Leta'....'LoLITA'? no, ok yh im a loser.  
> like I said at the start, this fic was so fun and difficult to write and I really hope you enjoyed it! Xoxo


End file.
